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No one wants to fight (or at least no one you probably want to be in a relationship with), but fights happen, and having them is a healthy part of any relationship. While fighting all the time isn’t a good thing, neither is not fighting at all. When you have healthy constructive fights with your partner about important issues impact your relationship it can often even bring you closer together rather than further apart.
So, what is a “healthy” fight? Time recently spoke to psychologists to find out. One interesting suggestion those physiologists made: schedule your conflicts.
This was a suggestion that I thought was odd, but after things about it for a bit can get behind. Rather than have a fight at the moment when tensions are high, when a fight starts instead schedule a time for you to finish it.
You’re not going to put a fight off until next Tuesday, but giving something a few hours allows everyone to think through their feelings and why their mad, and then return to the conversation with those thoughts well thought out. With this you hopefully avoid heat-of-the-moment hurtful statement and instead are able to get to the root of the issue and come up with a respectful resolution for both parties.
Think About the Reason For Your Fight
Oftentimes we end up having the exact same fight over and over again. While the topic of the fight might theoretically change, if you take a look at he root of your fight you’ll find a reoccurring them.
The example Time gives here is of a couple that has a “5:30pm fight” during the week because one partner wants to talk about their day and the other wants to decompress from a difficult day at work. Person number one feels ignored and under appreciated when number two avoids the conversation, but in fact both people are causing the issue.
Rather than having a daily fight or the same fight over and over again, take look at what’s ultimately causing an issue and then work on creating a compromise that keeps everyone happy. For instance, when that same old fight starts up again, maybe everyone can walk away for a few minutes and then regroup.
And when you have that fight, be sure to listen to what your partner has to say, ask questions, and when you’re in the wrong, learn the right way to apologize. Just like we all have our own love languages, we all have our own apology languages as well.